29 steps to make a Chronicle

  1. Pretend to be diligent while coming up with story ideas.
  2. Nod your head at Dale Conner’s inevitable ridiculous suggestion.
  3. Go back to your computer to “brainstorm by yourself,” or look at memes when your editor is not looking.
  4. Pitch a story about social media to the editors.
  5. Hold back tears when you get rejected.
  6. Pitch a decent story idea at the last minute.
  7. Interview, interview, interview.
  8. Tell your editor that your completely available source cannot talk to you until three days after the deadline so that you can stay up binge-watching “13 Reasons Why.”
  9. Transcribe quotes and submit the transcripts as your first draft.
  10. Act confused when your editor is livid.
  11. If step 9 does not work, pull the “I didn’t share it with you?” confusion bit.
  12. 30 minutes before the deadline, write a killer draft.
  13. Watch as the editors rework the entire map to fit your now brilliant story into the edition.
  14. Threaten Meghan Pottle with peanut butter while the editors layout pages.
  15. Play poker while the editors layout pages.
  16. Work on math homework while the editors layout pages.
  17. Eat cookies while the editors layout pages.
  18. Do anything but brainstorm story ideas while the editors layout pages.
  19. On the day of send out, start an improv comedy show that involves a screaming match. 
  20. Ignore the editors when they yell at you to be quiet.
  21. Act super relieved when the editors finally send out.
  22. Twiddle your thumbs until the paper arrives.
  23. Fight over DJ privileges while Ashton bags the paper.
  24. Sleep past 7:15 a.m. on every other distribution day.
  25. If you do show up to distribution day, bring stale donuts or trashy cereal.
  26. Forget to distribute papers to every third classroom. 
  27. Silence your Group Me, so you do not have to hear about how you missed every third classroom. 
  28. Show up to fifth bell to eat pizza, again. 
  29. Repeat 9 times until the end of the year when your editor finally stops roasting you because hey, you are pretty cool after all.
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